OH SO HAPPY DESU~

Tokimeki Memorial 2's final patch is outttt! And there's Glee on. And I stared at Thomas like an idiot today, and he unfortunately caught my glimpse >.< Rather embarassing.
Tomorrow we might get the Maths test back, which I'm really afraid of. Deathly afraid. Then we'll go to an arts display and to a concert in the evening, it'll be an eventful day!

(Also, Neil Patrick Harris has a really good singing voice, I didn't know that! Glee's so kitschy. Ah god, the dream sequence of Artie's so funny. They're all dancing like a boy band, but he's paraplegic. When you don't know that he's dreaming, you're like 'Oh WTF, therapy won't make him be able to walk in a single day')

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?

Introductional comic to start:

Well, to explain things, I was walking back from a conversation with my teacher, and was a bit confused, and then I saw Thomas. Of course he'd noticed me staring, so not really thinking all that much, I smiled at him. And then I waved and muttered something remotely sounding like 'Hello' in the WOBBLIEST VOICE EVER. I think he nodded back, but I didn't get all that much because as soon as he was one meter away from me, I started screeching and fastening my pace.

But that not being enough, while rehearsing the dance for Mardi Gras, I got to spend two hours with him.
Lo and behold, Thomas-swoon-textblock. [swoon]
Sooo, he is probably the cutest and funniest guy ever. EVER. He's mature, but at the same time has a perfectly childish attitude, too. He's tall, has long fingers, has a handsome face and beautiful hair. And he has such a sexy, deep voice. God, he could probably undress me with that voice. As a matter of fact, I'd jump him if I could and hump him right on the spot because he's so wonderful. I seriously seriously desire him. You know, shower fantasies and the likes. I'd even be content with hugging him. Just feeling his body, ahh, I'd die. And because it's always TMI-Tuesday for me, he makes for the best pantie-floods. He also makes for the best dreams, the best prayers and the best situations, which is why I found today quite funny to be honest.
[/swoon]

So there ya go, I haven't spoken of him in a long time, anyways :)

ATTENTION: Love Rant!

I just came back from our school ball. Wow, that was a really good time. Except for the fact that I saw Thomas a lot. And I just wanted to dance with him, but I know he'd never. As well as he didn't even talk to me a single time. I'm really about to write a sad/confused/angry text to him. I just don't know. He's such a wonderful guy, and I've known one thing since the first time I'd seen him: He'd be perfect for me. Perfect in every way. You don't find guys that are so intelligent, polite and social these times. He doesn't smoke, has only recently drunk something for the first time with friends. He's funny, has a great smile and looks stunning in suits. He's really really good at school, always friendly to everyone and uses words before his fists.
The only thing he lacks is interest in girls. And I don't only mean me, I also mean the much prettier girls! Sone suspect that he's gay, but then again he could just tell ke, or couldn't he?
Well, if he talked to me I could ask him all those things and tell him what I think about him, but he ignores me (it almost feels like he's avoiding me!)

I'm actually at the end of my knowledge. I just don't know what to do at all anymore. Help me, quick!

(Apart from all the shit going on in my mind, it was an awesome time. We danced to old songs, barefoot because our shoes were murderous. A few teachers were there and rocked the dancefloor. There was a disco upstairs, but it was really too loud for me there. Even though Thomas happened to be upstairs for the rest of the evening, we stayed downstairs and danced. Oh god I fucking love him. Stupid assbastard. I fucking fell in love with him when I was in FIFTH GRADE!!)

The Most Awesome Dream.

Like, yep, I had it tonight. But I won't post it because it's all been said before and it's just old shit. Even though it was really, really sweet and cute. Ohmagawsh. I hate myself. So hard. <.<

And now I'm watching Batman Forever (guess who wrote Bateman and is a raging lunatic? NO NAT MEEEAAWW.) which is cool and I guess I do not dislike Batman like I thought. Well okay, that maybe because Christian Bale played Batman once, in another movie. (Batman Begins I think?)
WOOO BATMAAAAAN!

Confusion about feelings concerning..

Oh guess who?
Of course it's Thomas. Yesterday and today I was at Mona's place because she held a party. Well, he was there too. (And I don't know why he came, I really don't know that!)
Problem is, somehow he just didn't really talk to me. I mean, he was polite and everything, but apart from that? Ignoring me big time. What the heck is wrong with him? :(

You know what? I've started to be a clever girl and gave him up. Deleted his number, put all stuff concerning him into a folder on my PC (or rather, a labyrinth of folders!) and just don't think about him anymore. It's hard, but it's okay.

96&59

#96 List ten weird facts about yourself:

• I am addicted to downloading music and can't sleep well without the knowledge that I downloaded at least a song a week.
• I can touch my nose with my toes. And I like to do that because it's funny.
• I have a huge phobia of hornets and wasps. When I was alone at home on Saturday, a hornet flew into the living room and I started to cry and curled up as a ball on the balcony floor. 
• I adore the words bitches, kerfuffle, douche, spork and eloquent.
• I think cats are evil masterminds that are plotting to rule the world. My cat will be their sinister leader. :3
• I like to watch people while they sleep simply because they do such weird and cute stuff~
• I read really gory and disgusting books, but I could never face that in real life. I freak out whenever I see people bleeding irl.  
• Dolls and clowns make me cry because they're scary.
• I like to spend weekends home alone, with no social contact at all and I don't get bored.
• I have a favourite plushie which I have since I was 5 or something, and I still take it with me on every journey and stuff :)

#59 List ten things you would like to do every day:

• Kiss Thomas
• Hug Thomas
• Talk to Thomas
• Be with Thomas
• Be loved by Thomas
• Sleep next to Thomas
• The logical conclusion would be 'Watch Thomas sleep' 
• Laugh with Thomas
• Feel Thomas' heartbeat while hugging him
• Love Thomas (which I already do every single day. It's hard :(  )

BRB, just falling in love really hard.

Wow. Just, wow. Today was one of these days that are unforgettable. You know, Mardi Gras, here is a pic of my costume:

 

Marilyn Monroe/ Woman of the 60s/ Bondgirl

You don't know how awesome it was. We had so many people that joined our dances and it was just WONDERFUL. But the best thing is, Mr. Becker (the Music teacher that is hated by most but loved by the cool ones) asked us to go to the city with him after school, and it was so funny. We did the Cotton-Eyed Joe right in front of hundreds of tourists, and they all took photos of us. Here's a collage, I'll explain them afterwards:

Well, number one is obviously Thomas, and I made the photo on my own. He was sitting at our table, and I was discussing many things with Sonny, and he was also talking to me, and he has such beautiful eyes, is so intelligent and so NICE. God, I didn't know anybody could be so wonderful. Of course, my heart was racing all the time.
The second one is Jana, one of my best friends, which got her first real kiss today. She had a fucking relationship on Valentine's Day, and this is what she had today.
It was good for everybody.
On the third there are the others dancing, and the snowman in the background is our dressed up teacher.

And as a bonus, you get Sonny because he's so nice and we're soulmates.We talked about Pokemon with Thomas and it was so much fun.

When you think you're black inside, take a brush and paint everything!

Well, I've still got the guitar problem, but that'll be over in no time.

Meanwhile, my cousin is here again and smiling at me 24/7. And he's blabbering around, the baby noises he makes are so CUTE.

I can't even write something senseful because I got to spend two hours with Thomas today. Well, not exactly alone with him, but a group of people including him and me were discussing the Mardi Gras in the sixth and seventh lessons because our dickwad of a headmaster doesn't like this whole thing so we have to arrange a full-fledged carnival on our own. Well, we already have dancers and choreography for YMCA and Cotton-Eyed Joe. (I wrote Hoe at first, xD)
Then we'll have singing teachers, dancing first/fifth graders and many more hella funny things.
Well, he is AWESOME. And really nice. If I were a boy, I would admire him because he's really nice, and that's cool.

UNHAPPY.

A string of my guitar broke on Tuesday, so I ordered new ones, which arrived today. I tried to string it immediately and it worked, but then I cut them to a more comfortable size, and the last one just wouldn't get cut, so I pulled. Dumbest thing I ever did? (Besides to the thing I did that made the old string break in the first place..) Yes.
It is now too short to be stringed and I can't play, plus the strings sound very shitty.
Also, I hurt myself when I cut it, because it snapped and dug into my finger. Ouch.



What made me happier is that Sonny said that Thomas apparently thinks I'm really nice. Not in the 'I-love-you-way', but in the 'Hey, let's be friends'-way. But I think I can easily change that ;)

I kinda forgot the blog..:)

Well, life's been pretty confusing, hopeless, then again full of hope, exhausting, filled with reading, thoughtful, funny, annoying and more in just two weeks.
Kenny has already been my rant-bag, meaning I talked to him about the whole Thomas-affair and this stuff, so I won't bother you guys with this.

Also, I've been listening to RHCP and Keane almost 24/7. Then I fell in love with Jazz and Ambient, so that made me listen to more and more music.
There's a little soopersecret new favourite song of mine, Life in Mono - Mono. There are different version, but I like the one from the video of a girl from the Phillipines (I think?) best.

I DON'T WANT TOOOO!! T.T

I have a Maths test and I don't get a single thing! I don't understand terms, I don't understand circles and pi and I suck at Maths. Not that I care about my report card, because I won't change my school and so I won't give a shit about the marks this semester. I just have to watch out for the next semester, because then I should look after what I do.

And theen, a friend of my friend wants to introduce me to Thomas tomorrow. Well, actually he was forced, after saying that 'Thomas would not be interested in a long-term relationship.' Who the fuck can tell if a relationship's going to be long-term or last three days?! That depends on the situation and the persons who are in it! ARGH.

Good and (well, for my shyness) bad news.

'When you get an A in the Latin test, you're going to hug him and wish him a merry Christmas.'
As always, I've made a promise to myself, knowing that that'd never happen, as we're not destined to be together. What happens? I get a fucking A. I'm happy, but I KNOW that I won't bring up the guts and do it.
Waaargh.

I jumped out of the toilet today and scared my grandma, and when I wanted to tell my mum, she got really angry and told me to never do that again, as I shouldn't kill her. I don't know why, but these words hurt me so much, when she said I'd kill her off and be responsible for everything, that I can't even stop crying now. I know it's ridiculous, but it hurts.

Did you notice..?

Okay, you possibly couldn't have, but whenever I walk past Thomas and he is talking to his friends, he bends aaaaall way down so I can see his nicer parts of the back.
I mean, that kinda IS creepy, but I guess he does it subconsciously. (Or not ;D )

Uhh, I almost was late for school today. Waited for the bus for twenty minutes, then I called my grandpa to please get into the car and DO SOMETHING. My grandma was panicking and told me: 'Go by bus, you'll be faster that way!'
And you know who was faster? My grandpa and me. Stupid bus was always behind us. And I would have been way too late for school if I hadn't ignored my grandma.

Also, I've got a dailybooth account now! suwoop's the name, look there if you want to :D

Clinging On For Life.

I just recorded it and put it on youTube :D

Oh, and he said 'Happy Birthday' to me yesterday. After Caro texted him. And then I answered' Oooh, thank you, I said to Caro not to bother you, but she insisted on sending - Oh, thanks anyways.'
He grinned at me, Jana broke out laughing and I squeed like a dying pig. Of course all that after he went away. It was a wonderful day, yesterday.

Ohshi-

Never. I repeat. NEVER look at Joshua Hoffine's photos. You don't know how scary his pictures of childhood fears are. And if you didn't fear something before, you certainly do after looking at them. SCAAARY.

Anyways, no progress in the Thomas-case. It is sad, but I'm shy. Or cowardly. (Anal, Kenny.)

Have to go, I won't be here until tomorrow evening.

If only...

Thomas happened to be like one of the guys in our class, whom I laugh with and who stared at my cleavage today. I had to try hard not to burst out in laughter. Seriously, I was talking to him, when I noticed he was not looking into my eyes, but somewhere else. My friend noticed too, and so we spent half of the day laughing at it. (Like that one time in Latin when we discovered that Nero sang about the extinction of Troy while his city Rome  was burning down. That was epic.)

Now, I still want Thomas to acknowledge me. Last week was a parents' day, and before there was some information about cellphones and stuff, and right as we came, he was there, rode out with his bike, but then suddenly came back, only to smile at me and leave again. That confused me, since he doesn't pay ANY attention to me right now.
IDIOT.

Spending the free time at school. Yays.

Our German teacher is a lazy person. (It seems like every teacher I tell you about is awful, which is definitely the truth.) She wants US to spend our BELOVED FREETIME in the library because SHE DOESN'T WANT TO WORK!
Bitch. Oh please. Anyways, days are relaxed and wonderful. Except for me not being able to talk to Thomas, since I am so anal and shy. (Imagine me sitting there, talking to my friends, he walking by, me saying 'G'Morning' and then shrieking like a banshee. Ohwee. Whatashit.)

Aneewayz, there is some 5th grade-9th grade- buddy- thingy at our school, and he was one of them. Now Jana thought it would be a good idea to ask him about this, seeing as we're the EDIT: 9th next year she thought I should ask about that.

Good idea, y/y?

Today, I am in love.

The first lesson fell flat today, so our whole class was sitting by the back entrance. He came in, said Good Morning to each of us and smiled.
I realized that there are still nice people in this town.

And I realized that I will never be with him, but still love him.
MLIG.

What I did all week.

This week my aunt came with Nico, and I did my best to take care of him. I fed him, changed his diapers, sang lullabies to him and played with him. All in all: It was the most awesome week I've had in a long time.
You don't know how proud I felt when he slept on MY chest for two hours everyday, and all because I lulled him into sleep. It makes you feel like a better person when you see that he stops screaming when you massage his belly.
I just love that little guy. And I want to make his life the best there ever was, along with the family.

Guess what? I'm downloading sad, lovey-dovey songs again. I am dumb, I know. But I still want this guy to be my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first everything. That is how I feel for him. I am jealous whenever he speaks to other girls, I want to bathe in his laugh whenever he smiles, I want to fall into his arms whenever I see him. He is so wonderful.