ATTENTION: Love Rant!

I just came back from our school ball. Wow, that was a really good time. Except for the fact that I saw Thomas a lot. And I just wanted to dance with him, but I know he'd never. As well as he didn't even talk to me a single time. I'm really about to write a sad/confused/angry text to him. I just don't know. He's such a wonderful guy, and I've known one thing since the first time I'd seen him: He'd be perfect for me. Perfect in every way. You don't find guys that are so intelligent, polite and social these times. He doesn't smoke, has only recently drunk something for the first time with friends. He's funny, has a great smile and looks stunning in suits. He's really really good at school, always friendly to everyone and uses words before his fists.
The only thing he lacks is interest in girls. And I don't only mean me, I also mean the much prettier girls! Sone suspect that he's gay, but then again he could just tell ke, or couldn't he?
Well, if he talked to me I could ask him all those things and tell him what I think about him, but he ignores me (it almost feels like he's avoiding me!)

I'm actually at the end of my knowledge. I just don't know what to do at all anymore. Help me, quick!

(Apart from all the shit going on in my mind, it was an awesome time. We danced to old songs, barefoot because our shoes were murderous. A few teachers were there and rocked the dancefloor. There was a disco upstairs, but it was really too loud for me there. Even though Thomas happened to be upstairs for the rest of the evening, we stayed downstairs and danced. Oh god I fucking love him. Stupid assbastard. I fucking fell in love with him when I was in FIFTH GRADE!!)

Confusion about feelings concerning..

Oh guess who?
Of course it's Thomas. Yesterday and today I was at Mona's place because she held a party. Well, he was there too. (And I don't know why he came, I really don't know that!)
Problem is, somehow he just didn't really talk to me. I mean, he was polite and everything, but apart from that? Ignoring me big time. What the heck is wrong with him? :(

You know what? I've started to be a clever girl and gave him up. Deleted his number, put all stuff concerning him into a folder on my PC (or rather, a labyrinth of folders!) and just don't think about him anymore. It's hard, but it's okay.

Haircolor?

It's time for a big choice!

                vs.









                                    This                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  This

Good and (well, for my shyness) bad news.

'When you get an A in the Latin test, you're going to hug him and wish him a merry Christmas.'
As always, I've made a promise to myself, knowing that that'd never happen, as we're not destined to be together. What happens? I get a fucking A. I'm happy, but I KNOW that I won't bring up the guts and do it.
Waaargh.

I jumped out of the toilet today and scared my grandma, and when I wanted to tell my mum, she got really angry and told me to never do that again, as I shouldn't kill her. I don't know why, but these words hurt me so much, when she said I'd kill her off and be responsible for everything, that I can't even stop crying now. I know it's ridiculous, but it hurts.

I have the best friends ever.

Today I got my school-ish birthday present from DJ. She gave me the cat plushie I wished for. And a photo album of our last year, with all of our friends and everyone.
I was all happy and got many birthday-kisses, and I found out that I for sure have the best friends anyone could have.

Now my only problem is: What could I give them as a present? Nothing could be as good as the one they gave me!

If only...

Thomas happened to be like one of the guys in our class, whom I laugh with and who stared at my cleavage today. I had to try hard not to burst out in laughter. Seriously, I was talking to him, when I noticed he was not looking into my eyes, but somewhere else. My friend noticed too, and so we spent half of the day laughing at it. (Like that one time in Latin when we discovered that Nero sang about the extinction of Troy while his city Rome  was burning down. That was epic.)

Now, I still want Thomas to acknowledge me. Last week was a parents' day, and before there was some information about cellphones and stuff, and right as we came, he was there, rode out with his bike, but then suddenly came back, only to smile at me and leave again. That confused me, since he doesn't pay ANY attention to me right now.
IDIOT.

Spending the free time at school. Yays.

Our German teacher is a lazy person. (It seems like every teacher I tell you about is awful, which is definitely the truth.) She wants US to spend our BELOVED FREETIME in the library because SHE DOESN'T WANT TO WORK!
Bitch. Oh please. Anyways, days are relaxed and wonderful. Except for me not being able to talk to Thomas, since I am so anal and shy. (Imagine me sitting there, talking to my friends, he walking by, me saying 'G'Morning' and then shrieking like a banshee. Ohwee. Whatashit.)

Aneewayz, there is some 5th grade-9th grade- buddy- thingy at our school, and he was one of them. Now Jana thought it would be a good idea to ask him about this, seeing as we're the EDIT: 9th next year she thought I should ask about that.

Good idea, y/y?

Now I don't know what to do.

The new cat is adorable. Well, at least she was when my MUM was petting her. As soon as I approached to her, she hissed and slapped my head and hand.
I want my real cat back. I miss him so much. Where is he? Why does the new cat have to hate me that much?
I really try to love her. But if she acts like that on the first day, what am I supposed to do? I just can't stop the tears from falling. And I want my normal life back. Everything started going downwards from last Friday on. I wish I could just be gone, just see my dad and my cat again.
I know I sound really emo and pathetic now, but I'm really driving to a dead end. Life is so senseless, hard and stressing.

Why?