Dear Mia

My hands still smell like puke now that I'm writing this, but it's a big step! I purged earlier today and I had so much rice stuck in my nose and stomach acid in the back of my throat and it hurt so fucking much. It was then that I decided that this would be my last purge. Maybe not forever, but for now!
And I just worked out for an hour instead of sitting in front of the PC. It was SO MUCH FUN. I felt so good. In fact I've been running every day for the last few days and I've planned to get up normally tomorrow - school starts three hours later - and run for half an hour. Running's been the real purge, to be honest. Throwing up's just been bad. So instead of food in my nose (garlic was the worst), I'll have sweat in my mouth and shiny red cheeks.
I can already feel that bitchy monster screaming inside my head, sowing the seeds of doubt, saying that I'll never make it. But I will.

I'll reach my UGW of 110 HEALTHILY. And whenever I get the urge to binge, I'll make myself a cup of tea. Or munch on nuts. I can DO IT!

Also this post has been a big fear of mine so if you know me IRL, please don't talk about this. Just let me go on and try to fight!