Things

Some habits are best changed. Some you keep forever, because it's right.

I had a fight with my grandmother yesterday and since she failed to apologise for anything at all, I reacted in a way I'd never before. I'll explain later. Actually, I've been a bit pissed since Monday, since she didn't believe me when I told her I'd developed allergic reactions to almonds. She wanted to bake a cake with almonds in it for my cousin, so I went to the larder and got some almonds. Well, not even a minute and I could feel my throat closing up. There we go, gramma, OF COURSE I was acting.
That has happened so many times before. Like when she thought I was trying to skip PE by pretending I had something stuck in my eye. Bad for her that I'd spent all day scratching my eye and it got really sore, so we went to the hospital to get it checked. And guess what? I had some particle stuck under my lid. And it could have damaged my cornea permanently, hadn't we gone to get it removed.
Same thing with my foot last year. Did I ever show you a photo of the wound? It was rather gruesome and I couldn't walk at all. And I had an infection that could've led to me needing an amputation. BUT I was acting there, too.
But what I was actually most pissed about was her calling me a 'spoiled, devilishly rotten human being' just before last year's christmas and never apologising. Hell, she even denied having said it. Then she said that my ma and I were just bringing bad into the family and they wouldn't have any problems without us, so I just packed all of my stuff I had left at her place and carried it over to our flat. And goddammit, it felt so good!
Later, she sent me a text saying 'I'd be happy if you came over to wish Nico a happy birthday. You don't have to talk to me.'. I responded with 'I'm not in the mood to play the happy idiot now. Acting - like I always do, at least you say so - doesn't work all the time.'. All I got from her was 'I only feel bad for Nico.'. Well, didn't see THAT coming.
Needless to say, my mum's furious. I'm furious as well, but mostly just sad, because my grandma's been one of the most important persons in my life for such a long time now, but she just keeps on harming me. I went to the psychologist because of her, I didn't do many things that would've been good for me because of her, HELL, I was this close to an eating disorder because of how she treated me. She, or rather they, since my grandpa's not entirely innocent either, but at least he apologises for calling me mean things.


The positive side of all this is that now I'm starting a very new kind of life. I still have to find out what it will be like, but I hope for the best.