You know, I've been kind of separated from the paternal part of the family since he died, so it's like all the times I've spent there have been forgotten. I also think it's really hard to repair the relationship with my grandparents, simply because I feel it's so hard for them to see me. Of course, I'm just assuming things here, but somehow I think I remind them of my father a lot, at least in a visual sense, so it might make them uncomfortable.
I'm drifting off though, so while talking to my cousin, I realized how much I miss all of them. They're my family after all and up until I was two years old, I used to stay at my grandparents' house almost every day! And - I told her that, too - I enjoy being with them so much that coming back to my 'normal' family is actually making me almost depressed. Since, you know, there's not much of a family. It's dysfunctional, really. The love there feels so superficial, although that sounds exaggerated. Of course, we still have a lot of fun and I'm so grateful for the good relationship with my ma! With my grandma, it's a whole different story though, because she won't accept me growing older. And my grandpa - while being a super-cool and really funny guy - doesn't really love me as much as my little cousin. Just to clarify things - I'm not jealous of him, god forbade I think bad of him, I couldn't love this little angel more as you know, but the way my grandparents leave me in the shadows after I've been there for 15 years is not very nice of them. And going so far as to call me calamity jane or deeming me a spoiled, rotten spawn of hell is just too much. That's not what you should be treated like in a fully functional, normal family, am I right?
Anyways, let's leave the self-pity trail and end it here; I'm just looking forward to seeing all of them again and I'm way more than just thankful for them being there for me, even though nothing more than blood links me to them.
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3 comments:
Aww what a lovely post there, it's great to see how much you care about your family like that. Most young people should be grateful like that. It's just too bad that you don't get to see that side much, seems quite complicated. And how you feel your grandparents treat you is unfortunate... that's gotta be hard on you. But they still love you, and they always will, even though you're feeling this way. You're a strong girl with plenty of love for your friends and family
I try to be grateful because there's nothing in the world that will always be there for you, except for your family, since you're eternally bound by fate and can't rely on anybody else as much as your family!
Ah, but was it clear from the post that I was talking about both sets of grandparents? Because the not-very-considerate ones are the maternal grandparents, I just spend too little time with the other part of the family, but my cousin said we'd have to change that and that I'm always welcome if I want to see them :)
And you know, I see it as my personal mission to spread love amongst the people I know because the world as it is seems to have not enough happiness and peace and good feelings between human beings most of the time. Because seeing seeing the people that revolve around me happy ultimately makes me happy, too. What goes around, comes around, in a positive sense ;)
That's so true, everybody should just love each other, but there's so little of that going on
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